If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
