Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
