I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
