3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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