It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
