My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
