If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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