just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize