There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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