Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
