So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
