She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
