Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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