If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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