don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have tasted many bathrooms
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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