It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
