Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
