A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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