Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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