Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
