I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
