literally had 100 drinks last night.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
