I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
