Do you still have your period?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
