Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
