I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
