I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
