I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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