My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
