It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
