youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
