sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
