that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
