I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
