so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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