Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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