my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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