it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize