bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
