She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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