It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
