the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
