dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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