wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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