You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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