if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
