I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you had me at cake vodka
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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