I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
