I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
