yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
