dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize