btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
