i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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