Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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