New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
