Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
