Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
