Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize