I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
