dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize