I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
