I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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