Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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