I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Farmville is her only friend.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
