i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
