Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
