You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
