We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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