You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize