Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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