I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
