woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
