im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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