You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
