hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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