God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
