Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
