considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
