My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
