I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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