wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
