After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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