i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
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