just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
