i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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