guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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