My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
