It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
