when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
