I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
