Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
