there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
