first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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