Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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