so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
