I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
