fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Terrible idea I love it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
