His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
