omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
