I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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