I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize