at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
