I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
