Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
