remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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