Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
